I have found my new name: ’Biggest Loser’

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August 3, 2010

THE VIEW FROM HERE

By JIM HARDIN CNHI The Zope Gazette Tue Aug 03, 2010, 07:55 AM CDT

Rockwall County — If I had my own television show, I could call it, “Biggest Loser.”

In this case, the name would not apply to weight lost. Instead, it would refer to stuff lost.

I am convinced that I am the champion loser of stuff.

I have found most of the stuff I have lost -- I think — but I’m pretty sure there’s still some of my stuff out there that will never be seen again.

I usually try to keep it a secret that I lost something — again . But after a while, when I start to get a little desperate and frustrated, I will announce that I lost my car keys, wallet, cell phone, money. Whatever.

And almost always somebody will ask the silliest of all questions: “Where’d you lose it?”

Well, if I knew where I lost it, I’d go right to it, wouldn’t I?

Wife Becky has a tactic that kind of irritates me. If my keys are lost, she will ask, “Did you leave them on your desk? Did you leave them in the car? Did you leave them on the bedside table?”

After several suggestions, I’ll tell Becky that she’s just guessing. I can guess all by myself.

Becky does something else that irritated me at first. Then I realized that it works.

Becky would finally say, “Let’s pray.” At first, I would protest, then give in. And — it doesn’t matter whether you’re a believer or not — many times after that prayer I would find that lost item.

I believe sometimes God laughs with me and sometimes He laughs at me. I believe He gets the biggest laughs when I tear the house apart looking for something. Then, Becky will come along and suggest, “Let’s pray.” And sometimes I am the one who actually initiates the prayer.

In the Hardin home, Becky and I lose things — I mean put things — in safe places. If it’s something of value to us, we will put it in a secure place. Later, when we want it or need it, most of the time we can’t find it. We don’t know where it is, but we know for sure that it’s in a safe place.

See, you’re not silly after all. Some of you do the very same thing and I have just convinced you that you are normal. I write a lot about the things I do, and I so hope that I still have the ability to make people feel perfectly normal.

My biggest problem is that I lay stuff down and sometimes the stuff is never seen again.

My best examples come from church.

Just last Sunday, son-in-law Thomas found me and handed me the bottle of water I left in his office at the church. And, usually, Jeff, Tony, Dan or Carl will find where Becky and I are sitting in church and deliver my Bible to me. I always leave it at a “safe place” near the entrance where Becky and I are greeters.

I try to remember to put all my daily stuff — keys, wallet, cell phone — in their very own home at home. That will happen one day in a row, then before you know it, my phone will be on a bedside table, my wallet will be in a kitchen drawer and my keys will be on my desk.

I had my most serious loss about two weeks ago. Losing a debit card can be scary.

I fuss at Becky a little bit if she can’t put her hand on her debit card immediately. If she can’t find it quickly, it’s usually because it’s in her “other purse.”

“You’ve got to keep up with that debit card,” I will say to my sweet and responsible wife.

Well, you already know that Jim is the one who didn’t keep up with his debit card.

I made a purchase at Best Buy in Rockwall and didn’t put my debit card back in my wallet like I usually do. Later that night, I realized I didn’t have my card. I cancelled it the next day.

If thieves had picked up my card and used it, they could have drained my bank account and taken a vacation. Yep, they could have gotten enough money to make it all the way to Seagoville.

Did we pray about the lost card? Of course we did. Then, why didn’t I find it? I don’t have all the answers, but it’s quite possible that it was all part of God’s plan for my life.

If I had found my debit card, I wouldn’t have had anything to write about this week.

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